I think you must have been coded into my very cells,
deeply embedded amongst my DNA,
strands of you coiled around
essential strands of me.
How else this inability
to erase you?
I put you out of my mind,
a tenant evicted, thrown out into empty streets,
a cat let out into the night air,
exiled from home but returned to nature
trying to untame the domesticated
or tame the wilderness.
I put you out of my mind
yet here you are
pulsing in my veins,
streaming hot red through my heart.
Trying not to think of you
my heart beats in three four timing,
your name waltzing in Spanish staccato,
the sharp quaver and grace note,
“my love”
How do I not think of you
when you are the movie’s score,
the opera’s libretto?
I fill my mind with the strains of Mendelssohn’s 64th Opera,
trying to sink you in melancholy ~
an alien landscape for you
hoping you will flee to more familiar terriotory.
You make yourself at home even here
and I find myself smiling your mischievous smile
into the darkness.
I am trying to turn the lights out on you
and your eyes are glowing.
I try to stifle you with silence
and still you sing.
I try to unravel you from my mind,
try to evict you from my home,
try to wipe your fingerprints from my skin,
your laughter from my throat,
your dimple from my face
and in that tiny gesture
of my hand on my cheek
soaking in tears
acknowledging their existence
I feel your touch.
You are still here
inside me
above me
beneath me.
To remove you from my world
is to take the living from my life.
4:53pm Monday
7.July.2003
(Cartoon courtesy of xkcd – go and check out his work and be sure to keep an eye on the alt text/titles he’s added to each!)
© Melinda Chambers. All posts are the creation of the author and, as such, remain the author's property with all rights reserved.
- Parting Words
- I miss your laughter…
- Hope Fell Apart: Blood and Tears
- Adultery
- I Am Sorry For Your Passionless Nights
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Stumble it!
You’re breaking my bones with your soft tongue
flaying skin from soul with your eyes
and your absence
is worse.
Addiction, craving, tremors of withdrawal
I’m screaming at the ceiling, clawing at the windows
as the house implodes
upon me.
Too sensitive to touch, frustration makes me feral
I’m pacing the perimeter of the cage
I have more distance in me
than room.
5:17pm Monday
12.July.2004
© Melinda Chambers. All posts are the creation of the author and, as such, remain the author's property with all rights reserved.
- If You Came Back I Could Tell You So Many Things…
- A Void
- Remind Me
- Letting You Go Again And Again And Again
- Disarray (explicit language)
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Stumble it!
Siamese
hip to hip
inseparable.
You grew into me
put down roots
and flourished.
Siamese
hip to hip
inseparable.
I share your heart beat
with the world
Sweat
or tears
run from my face
sheathing you
in wetness.
Do we bleed now?
This unholy separation?
Do we bleed?
Your whispers used to brush my ear
Your fingers used to tangle in my hair
I breathed in
your every exhalation
and now
now I am asphyxiating
and blood runs
torn away without formal surgery
no anaesthetic
Goodbye is a razor slicing down between us.
Siamese
hip to hip
lip to lip
inseparable
Oh, the marvels of the modern world
that you could be parted from me
Goodbye is a scalpel.
4:37pm Thursday
26.August.2004
© Melinda Chambers. All posts are the creation of the author and, as such, remain the author's property with all rights reserved.
- A Life In The Day Of…
- I miss your laughter…
- No Return Address
- Hope Fell Apart: Blood and Tears
- Today
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Stumble it!
I live now
with my head in my hands
clutching it to me
as though it would otherwise roll away.
I hold it
manically
as a child strangleholds
a kitten
giving it no choice
but to grab back.
I pound this head
with my fists
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
I am surprised at the pain of it.
I rub the temples
trying to raise the genie
I am certain is imprisoned within.
To no avail.
Moisture leaks from it
My fingers come away
warm and wet
I am startled to discover
my fingertips free of blood.
I live now
with my head in my hands
clasping it strongly
as though it were a life~raft
I am stunned to find myself still drowning
as though it were, instead, an anchor around my ankles.
I cling to it
with all of the innocent selfishness of a child
“MINE!!!!”
refusing to share her toys.
The truth is
I live now
with my head in my hands
for I have nowhere else
to lay it.
5:22pm Wednesday
20.February.2002
© Melinda Chambers. All posts are the creation of the author and, as such, remain the author's property with all rights reserved.
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Stumble it!
Such violent beauty
I am scared.
I want you the way others crave oblivion
I want to know you as intimately
as nicotine
inhale and spread your addiction to every receptor.
I am crazed with longing
a fractured vase poorly mended
Something seeps through the cracks
smoke and fire
I am all embers
an oil burner bleeding light and incense.
I am incensed.
You are cold.
Pop your feet beneath the doona
put your hands up under my top.
If I cared less about you
I’d consider myself obsessed
I wish I could be less practical
less considerate
I wish the idea of manipulation
were more attractive
I wish I loved you less for the convulsions
of your free will
and more for the compulsions
of your body.
I wish I could happily settle for a puppet
and that you’d volunteer your strings into my hands
If I loved you less
I’d never let you go.
I wish I loved you less.
5:04pm Wednesday
13.October.2004
© Melinda Chambers. All posts are the creation of the author and, as such, remain the author's property with all rights reserved.
- Mustn’t Cry Out
- A Life In The Day Of…
- Brink
- Stream IV: Raw Intention
- Henry Miller – The Ironies Of Desire
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